Dodging difficult conversations kills trust.
Do you enjoy uncomfortable conversations? Many of us go a long way to avoid them.
But one of the hallmarks of credible leadership is being willing to bring discomfort to the surface rather than burying it.
When issues simmer inside a team or across a business, they rarely go away on their own.
Left to grow, unresolved problems eat away at trust and quietly damage your team culture.
It usually takes a leader’s courage to bring them to a head.
You might never feel good about raising a tricky issue, but these steps can help those interactions become less daunting and more productive.
Have a specific outcome.
I’m not talking about a goal of “keep the other person happy.” Having unrealistic expectations about keeping the peace or pleasing people will fuel your discomfort, almost guaranteeing you’ll beat around the bush instead of getting to the point.
Instead, start the conversation with an outcome in mind. Is it to give the other person a clear picture of the situation and what needs to happen next? Perhaps it’s to generate options or ideas about the problem or for you to better understand their point of view.
Wishy-washy going in leads to vague nothingness by the end of the discussion.
Whatever the issue, always aim to give the gift of clarity, even if it feels a bit ick.
Signal positive intent.
Approach even the hardest conversation with the other person’s best interests at heart.
A key trust-builder is telegraphing that you care about all parties involved; you’re not just in the conversation to get something out of it for yourself or the brand.
That includes tough situations like performance management or redundancy.
Even if you’re in the process of letting someone go, you can still do it with kindness; making sure they’re clear on the steps and supporting them in whatever happens next.
Use a simple structure.
Difficult discussions can flounder without proper preparation. This is a dialogue, not a solo performance, so you can’t pre-determine every sentence. But giving your side of the conversation some serious thought, based on a straightforward framework, makes a huge difference to your confidence and certainty – which in turn influences the energy you bring.
Even if you deviate dramatically, based on the twists and turns of the conversation, jot down a few notes based on these headings – or adapt them to your situation.
What’s happened – be specific and objective
What/who has been impacted
Invite their perspective – one of my favourite phrases is “help me understand…”
Explore what happens next
Trust doesn’t come from avoiding conflict. “Playing nice” rather than tackling an issue can damage relationships and reputations.
Uncomfortable conversations are best approached with honesty, clarity and kindness – do you agree?
Until next time,
Neryl
